


Who Let the Chocobos Out?!

by Aegis_Runestone



Category: Final Fantasy IV
Genre: Contest Entry, Fantasy, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2020-01-13 13:38:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18470065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aegis_Runestone/pseuds/Aegis_Runestone
Summary: WARNING: This takes place some time after the end of Final Fantasy IV and may contain minor spoilers.Cecil Harvey's day goes completely afoul when he discovers that Baron Castle is filled with chocobos of all three colors: yellow, white, and black. But before he can handle Baron, he makes a terrifying discovery about this 'harmless' prank...Written for the April 2019 GameFAQs Competition involving one's favorite character and what happens on April Fools for them, this story isn't canon, but does have a minor, non-spoilerish reference to Rydia: Heart and Heartache.





	Who Let the Chocobos Out?!

_Disclaimer: I do not claim any ownership over Final Fantasy IV, Cecil, or its characters. This story was made for fun._

_WARNING: This takes place some time after Final Fantasy IV's ending, it may have minor spoilers._

 

Who Let the Chocobos Out?!

A Final Fantasy IV Comedy

by

Aegis_Runestone

 

 

_Baron Castle..._

Cecil opened his eyes as the morning rays poured into his room. Rosa slept peacefully next to him. He gazed out the window: clear skies, a beautiful rising sun... it seemed like a good day was ahead of him. He rose quietly from his bed to avoid awaking his beloved and took up his armor and sword.

_**BLAM! KWEH!** _

“What?” Cecil jumped, “was that...?”

“Uhhnnn...?” Rosa's voice muttered nearby. She had awoken. “Cecil, did you hear a... chocobo?”

“I...”

_**SMASH! WAAAARRRK!** **KWEH!** _

Cecil rushed down the stairs and into the castle corridors. “By the moon, what's going on?!” He shouted. He froze, meeting eye-to-eye with a flock of chocobos, white, and black. “Uhh... how did...?”

“Kweh!”

“Wark!”

“Your Majesty! Anyone! Help!” A voice of a soldier cried out. “Stop biting my boot, you overgrown bird!”

“Hey, out of the way!” Cecil ordered. The chocobos stared at him. He drew his sword and swung it. “ _Move_!”

Bad idea.

The chocobos started to stampede down the corridors, screaming at the top of their lungs.

“ _Oh no!_ ” the soldier screamed. “Why are there so many?! Ow! Let go!”

Cecil dashed down the corridor, fighting his way through groups of chocobos of all colors. He felt a kick slam into his back and he shot forward. Cecil barely avoided hitting a wall by catching a ridge on the side of a pillar. Gasping, he looked to his side and saw a hapless soldier failing to fight off a chocobo who was snacking on his boot.

Cecil charged, roaring at the bird. It looked up in wide-eyed fear and then scattered off with a loud “wark!” He stopped and sheathed his sword. He walked over to the soldier and held out his hand.

He took Cecil's hand with gratitude. “Th-thank you, my liege,” he said as Cecil pulled him up.

“What's going on? Where did all these chocobos come from?” The paladin inquired.

“I don't know,” the soldier confessed. “They busted through the gate this morning. Yellow, white, and black and began roaming the courtyard. When we tried to get them out, they began to panic!” He groaned, and picked up his spear. “What do we do, m'lord?”

“Wait... the courtyard...” Cecil muttered. His eyes widened in horror. “ _How many of them are there_?”

“We lost count around a hundred-and-three, m'lord.”

Then, Cecil heard the sound of pattering feet in his direction. “ _Look out!_ ” he exclaimed. He and the soldier barely dodged a couple of chocobos bolting down the corridor from the throne room. “What madness is this?!”

“Madness from all over the world,” a voice said. Cecil spun and saw a familiar monk standing at the foot of the eastern stairs. “Even Fabul is filled with these cursed animals!”

“And Damcyan!” A more melodious male voice said. He popped in beside the monk.

“Edward?! Yang?! What are you doing here?” Cecil asked.

“Trying to find the sour— _look out!_ ” Yang shouted. He grabbed Edward, and narrowly avoided a black chocobo from trampling Damcyan's prince.

“Ugh!” Edward winced. “Thank you, that was too close.”

The chocobo rounded on them, gathering two yellow ones to face the group. “Heads up!” Cecil called out. The birds cried out, and prepared another stampede.

A puff of smoke suddenly appeared. “ _Shadowbind!_ ” Needles fell from the roof and pinned the three hapless chocobos to the ground. A regal-looking ninja dropped from the smoke onto the ground. He faced Cecil. “And Eblan, too.”

“Edge?! Y-you jest!” Cecil said, his jaw agape.

“Not just those kingdoms,” said an irritated, deep voice. Cecil looked over to see Kain approach him. “I just returned from scouting: Troia is infested with chocobos as well.”

“This... this... is insane,” Cecil said, his eye twitching.

“GRAAAAAHHHH!” bellowed an angry voice.

“Cid?!” Cecil shot his head in the direction of the courtyard. “Come, everyone!” He beckoned to the others and headed out to the courtyard.

There, Cid was standing in the center, surrounded by staring, shaking chocobos. Rosa was consoling the upset fleetmaster. Cecil and others gathered around.

“Cid...?” Cecil muttered. He looked at his wife; Rosa shook her head.

“My precious airships, jus' look!” Cid exclaimed, pointing toward the airship tower.

Cecil looked up and saw every Red Wings airship and the Enterprise filled with chocobos. He noted one black chocobo, which was seemingly dancing on one of the propellers of a Red Wings ship.

“That ain't the half of it!” Cid said in angry tears. “They're all cov'red in droppings! My poor precious Enterprise...”

Rosa bit her lip, and Cecil shared her expression.

“This has got to be some—” Edge started only to be interrupted by a screaming woman falling from the sky.

“What on earth?!” Cecil exclaimed. He looked up to see... “ _Rydia?!_ ”

 _ **BLAM!**_ The summoner smashed into the group, crunching them all into a large dogpile. The group gathered their wits and pulled themselves together. Cecil walked over to a very dizzy looking Rydia.

“Ugghhnnn...” Rydia's head looked like it was spinning. “I see dancing chocobos.” She rubbed her head and shook herself. “I... I was teaching the students how to summon a chocobo by doing it myself when I got thrown over here.”

“ _All the way from Mist?_ ” Everyone said.

“Don't ask me how it happened, I—” She stopped, and glared at Edge. “You...!”

He stumbled back. “Why are you looking at me, Rydia?! They're raiding my castle, too!”

She narrowed her eyes. “So... you're admitting you did—?”

“I'm admitting nothing!” He growled. “Someone's pulling a giant prank on all the kingdoms of the world!”

“But who?” Cecil scratched his head. “And... how do we get rid of them all?”

“Um... hello, everyone.”

Cecil and his friends shot their heads toward the gate. The paladin frowned. “Namingway? What are you... No. No, you didn't...”

“You blasted lunar-born runt!” Cid said. “Look at the mess ya made!”

“I'm... so, so s-sorry!” Namingway jumped. His ears froze. “I only meant to have the gysahl greens placed on Baron!”

“... Is that what I smelled this morning?” Kain asked.

“But... I don't know how they got to the other kingdoms! I thought my friend in the forest would only do it to Baron!” He sighed. “Oh dear, what a mess. I'm so sorry, Cecil.”

No one gave Namingway a sympathetic glance. All eyes were filled with raging flames.

Cecil groaned. “Wait... 'friend in the forest'? You mean the Fat Chocobo!” He slapped his face. “Oh, by the twin moons... I think your 'friend' decided to prank your prank.”

Namingway's ears fell flat. “And I trusted him.”

“Never trust the Fat Chocobo,” Yang said. “A saying we often repeat in Fabul.”

“Well!” Rydia snorted, hands on her hips. “I hope you have a way of cleaning up this mess! You have only yourself to blame for it!”

“Yes, yes! I actually do!” Namingway said, his ears perking up. He pulled out a box with a red button on it. Chills went down Cecil's spine. “I just need to press this button, and it'll use magic to re-direct the smell of the greens to the forests!”

“But wait, you said you were only going to prank Baron—” Kain started.

“Here we go!” Namingway said. He raised a finger over the button.

“ _ **Wait!**_ ” Everyone screamed.

Too late. The button was pressed, and all the fury of feathery death was unleashed as the chocobos rampaged in a massive stampede out of Baron Castle.

 

-S-

 

_That night..._

“Reports are in,” said a dragoon. “Your Majesty, all of the kingdoms have been cleared of chocobos. Fortunately, no lives were lost, though many have suffered massive bruises.”

“Well... good,” was all Cecil could manage to say. He and the others had spent the entire day just cleaning Baron of chocobo droppings. The other castles would be cleaned during the week. “Excuse me, I need to retire.”

“Of course, my liege. Rest well.”

Cecil nodded and shambled up to his tower. Rosa was already asleep, exhausted from all the healing she had to perform. He dropped his sword, and let his armor clatter on the ground before collapsing into his bed. For the next month, Cecil knew he would dream of chocobos rampaging through his kingdom.

Just like everyone else.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed! I played "Mambo de Chocobo" from Final Fantasy V while writing this. It was great fun to write. :)


End file.
